January 30, 2018

I’m Not Enough

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It’s been a hard day, but before those kinks even started, I was just feeling like I wasn’t enough. Not a good enough mom or wife lately and not good enough to do what I want professionally. The feelings of inadequacy have enveloped me as goals are not being crossed off as quickly as I want and I see my stress affecting my family. And you know what I realized? I’m not enough. I’m not.

That’s not the popular thing to say right now. We are in a culture promoting self-love. And I think that’s a great thing. But, you know why I realized I wasn’t enough? It’s not because I don’t love myself, it’s because I’m not designed to be.

Instead, I was designed to need the One who made me. I was also designed to need those He put in my path.

I’ve been studying God, but I haven’t felt Him, lately. I’ve wanted to reach out to those who can offer guidance, but haven’t had the courage. On my path to self-betterment, I’ve been walking in a way that’s self-reliant.

It’s not enough because I’m not enough. I wasn’t meant to do this on my own. We are not meant to do this on our own. You, me, we are not enough.

The background of this post: 
A lot is brewing over here in my corner of the world. More to come on the changes, but right now, just know that January has been busy and tough. I’m having a hard time finding my new groove with all I want to accomplish. I read a devotional by Rick Warren today titled, “Only God Can Provide”. I have to admit, this is a tough concept for me, maybe even the toughest in my faith walk. I think all good things come from above, but I also know He calls us to act. Often I find the balance of relying on Him and relying on myself to make the move a difficult notion for me. What I do know upon reflecting today, is that I haven’t relied on Him enough lately. I haven’t invited him into my day throughout the day. I’ve been doing this transition largely by myself and it needs to change.

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